The Ungiveable Christmas Gift

So there’s only a week to go until Christmas. Eek! The kids are about as excited as you would expect. I don’t understand exactly why excitement is expressed as tantrums and strops but hey, who am I to judge?

Either she's excited, or those balloons are about to die.

Either she’s excited, or those bubbles are about to die.

In the last few weeks, Big Girl and Little Girl have been deciding what they would like for Christmas. Now I don’t know about you, but these conversations with me are a lot more controlled than my kids know. They think they’re just discussing what they want Father Christmas to bring them.

They are wrong.

If they were to look back on our chats after they’ve opened their presents, they would realise that manipulation was afoot. Luckily for me, my kids have the memory storage capacity of gnats, so I’m pretty sure I’m safe.

Yeah, manipulation. Because all of the conversations have been about the same few things. That is, the things I have already bought.

I know, a dastardly trick. But at least it prevents them throwing me any crazy curveballs in these last few days.

Almost. There have been a few.

Big Girl has asked Father Christmas to bring her a packet of salt and vinegar crisps. Unusual and fairly last minute, but at least achievable. And, awwww.

Little Girl, on the other hand, has thought up a gift that there is absolutely no chance of getting. It is the ultimate ‘ungiveable Christmas gift.’

She mentioned it the other day, on the way to school. “Mummy,” she said. “For Christmas, I want a puppy and a unicorn.”

This is new. She has been asking for the same things for ages, and not once have these come up. Crap. But they’re not completely weird things. I could probably swing it. Until she carried on talking.

“I want to stick them togeddah, with glue.”



But still, doable. Strange, but I’m accustomed to strange by now. Hang on, though. There was more.

“Den I hold them up on my head, and Dora the Explorer will come and magic dem away, and make dem real.”


Well, that’s not happening.

So now, my countdown to Christmas will be spent trying to make her forget that she ever requested this. And that’s no easy thing. Because Little Girl remembers everything.



Merry fricking Christmas, everyone.

2 thoughts on “The Ungiveable Christmas Gift

  1. I’d quite like a Pup-icorn as well please. Please arrange this. Thanks. LMAO. Very funny 😉 The stuff they come out with is just genius :))) x

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